Broken


I’ve been in not so good a place lately. Stuck i guess. Things have been busy and stressful, and I’ve been seriously lacking joy. My prayers are dry, when i can eke out the strength to do it, and the Word, when I’m in it, seems to be the same. At the same time, those old sins come knocking at the door and with those same lies the enemy has used for years saying, “give in…you’ll feel better”. My mental retort is “really?” That old bastard’s tried that on me before; followed by accusations about what kind of Christian am I that willingly sins, how can you serve God…

I am reminded of that Keith Green song…
My eyes are dry
My faith is old
My heart is hard
My prayers are cold
And I know how I ought to be
Alive to You and dead to me

Oh, what can be done
With an old heart like mine
Soften it up – with oil and wine
The oil is You; your Spirit of love
Please wash me anew, in the wine of your blood

I guess I find it annoying to be in this place. I want the Spirit to move first and often I find that it is I that needs to move; to have the wherewithal to persist in prayer, persist in seeking Him – to lay it all down once again. I’ve been a Christian long enough to know that he is not far. Acts 17:26-27 26Acts 17:26-27 26
English: World English Bible - WEB

26 And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; 27 That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:  

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He made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the surface of the earth, having determined appointed seasons, and the boundaries of their dwellings, 27that they should seek the Lord, if perhaps they might reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.

Father, I need to be filled again with your Spirit – I am empty. The world has soiled me and I have wallowed in it. Psalm 73:23-28Psalm 73:23-28
English: World English Bible - WEB

23 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand. 24 Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. 25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. 26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. strength: Heb. rock 27 For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee. 28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.  

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– Nevertheless, I am with you. You have held my right hand. You will guide me with your counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Who do I have in heaven? There is no one on earth who I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart fails, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For, behold, those who are far from you shall perish. You have destroyed those who are unfaithful to you . But it is good for me to come close to God. I have made the Lord Yahweh my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.

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